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Shopping! A girl’s favorite pastime. Losing time while you’re wandering through the aisles. Then locking eyes with a Metalkraft BTS 51 stationary belt-sander and thinking: “Oof baby, wanna come home with me?”

Art-dolls were a new phenomenon for the Dutch Chamber of Commerce in 2012. I had come to register my new company. Unfortunately, the employee at the desk couldn’t find the right category for my business. These dolls weren’t meant for kids.

In art school, me and my fellow students were told to always take a different route to school. My brain jumped with joy at the mention of this vital survival tip. Because: YES! You never know if someone is out to get you.

With the arrival of AI-generated art, we’ve become witness to truly horrific accidents. Unfortunate souls whose eyes have fused with their headwear. Thumbs that jab straight through the palm of the hand and middle fingers that bend backwards into a perfect circle.

My country is now host to the world’s first gallery for AI art. Isn’t that a marvelous feat? It’s situated in Amsterdam. Of course. And you can find it at the Dead End Gallery. Which I find an ironic if apt name.

Being an artist also means having to visit expositions, art fairs and galleries. I know, my life truly is a vale of tears where curiosity and wonder hold hands as they hop-step-twirl over the carcass of desperate monotony. It’s a miracle I’ve survived this long.

Every morning I have a fixed routine of opening a freshly printed newspaper, reading it front to back as fast as I can, before my new kitten has had the opportunity to turn the pages to confetti.

With my butterfly-project nearing its end, I’m starting to get impatient. It’s like being a child waiting for your birthday. The entire year, you hardly think about it. But then the night before the great day you’re supposed to be vast asleep. And yet…

A creative job allows for a more loose approach to the assignments you receive, but as someone who can’t distinguish a 2 from an 8, I’ve discovered that it is generally frowned upon to be too ‘inventive’ when filling in your tax returns.

Back when I was still studying game-design, our school’s computers weren’t exactly top of the line. There is no way the budget could afford that. Understandable, but it meant that we were surrounded by the mechanical equivalents of asthmatic 70-year olds.