The Butterfly Effect

One of the downsides of having a chronic condition is that planning can be a challenge. It shouldn’t be that hard. You have your starting point, you have your deadline. If you’re a pro, you schedule in some extra time in case something unexpected happens.  Then you take the shortest route towards your destination. Done! Easy-peasy. What could possibly go wrong? We–ll… here’s a representation of what my journey usually looks like:

If you look closely you’ll see that my imaginary road resembles something of a butterfly, because:

  1. Butterflies are awesome and
  2. Like me, I’ve never seen even one of them fly in a straight line. Truly, they must be the drunken cousins of the insect-world.

Into The Chaos We Go

The main culprit for why I keep missing my deadlines is my own body. It starts out with Janice, of course. Only hearing the word ‘deadline’ causes her to go into one of her ‘no, danger, danger, DANGER!’ fits. But while I’m trying to calm her down, saying that it’s okay, that the deadline is months away and we’ll have plenty of time…. The Divas will come barging into my office.
The Divas are my lungs. And they are NOT amused. I spend too much time with Janice and not with them and how dare I, because they are the stars of this fine establishment – aka my body. So they quit. To show that they mean it, they will do a very admirable attempt of coughing themselves up. At which point the other parts of my body think: “Wait, we’re on a strike?! We’re on a strike! YAY!”

If you thought that Janice was stressed out before, this truly sets her off. My mind is now reeling with her squeaky: “NO, we should all stick together! Danger, danger! Deadline! Deadline! DEATH!!”

Best Course of Action

There are a few ways artists can make a living for themselves. Doing commissions is one. And I thought about it shortly, but because of this ‘butterfly-effect’, I have decided against them. If I can’t give a customer a reasonable estimate of when their commission is going to be finished, this is not the type of service that I want to provide. Accountability matters. Especially in an online business.

Likewise, I could’ve decided to become a freelance sculptor and hunt for job opportunities. But that would lead’ve me into the same situation I had been in when I was still making games. Janice and her hysterics would inevitably muck things up.

Seems like the best course of action for me, is the bumpy road. Simply making sculptures, showing them at exhibitions and hopefully, maybe get someone to notice me. At least it won’t turn my body into a burning husk of rebellion. There’s something to say for that!

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